My rap debut: “Baby Got Boots”

My footwear nirvana.

I’ll let you in on a little secret.

If you are a lady with plus-size calves (which, really, is anything larger than a toothpick, according to shoe designers), GOOD LUCK finding cute tall boots that fit over leggings and jeans.

My search lasted approximately three years. No, I’m not kidding. Sure, I’m obsessed with shoes — but a good pair of tall boots are indispensable during the colder months! They dress up or down and, if properly cared for, can last years.

Imagine my jubilation when finally — FINALLY — I found a pair. My excitement couldn’t be contained with a mere exclamation, or even an impromptu strut around my loft.

Instead, I decided to channel my joy into a song — or, rather, a rap. Inspired by Sir-Mix-A-Lot’s posterior poetry, “Baby Got Back,” I give you: “Baby Got Boots.”

I love tall boots and I cannot lie

My fellow wide calves can’t deny

That when a girl walks by with itty bitty boots and thin legs in your face you get

PISSED wanna pull out your tough

cause you notice those boots are stuffed

long skinny jeans she’s wearin’

I’m hooked and I can’t stop starin

But baby I don’t wanna get with ya

Just ’cause my calves are big-ga

My girlfriends tried to warn me

That those boots you got they don’t fit my body

Oooh but I found some

You say you wanna know where I got them

They fit me, fit me, ’cause they ain’t your average boot-ies

Now I’ll be prancin’

And even dancin’

They’re black and tall

And you can’t get them at the mall

I’m tired of magazines

Sayin’ tall skinny boots are the thing

Take the average woman and ask her that

And you gonna get smacked

So ladies?




You wanna buy tall boots too?


Well get online

Search ’em out

And even skinny girls gotta shout

Baby got boots!

5 responses to “My rap debut: “Baby Got Boots”

  1. This seriously made me LOL!!

    If it’s any consolation, even Brittney Spears mentioned once that her calves didn’t fit into most boots. Not shockingly, I found a pair in Italy that fit like a glove and cherish those suckers.

    • I’m glad you laughed because I seriously crack up every time I read it … which is OFTEN. I do feel better, however, knowing that Britney feels my pain. Until this debacle, I thought my calves were the only thing NOT plus-size on my body. Sheesh.

  2. Pingback: End-of-year meme: 2010, a year of win! | girl about KC

  3. But Katy! You never told us WHERE you got those boots! Cuz you know those of us wanting our OWN pair are itching to hit that store! ‘Fess up, puh-leeze!!!!

  4. Pingback: Where’d you get those boots? | girl about KC

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s